If you need a laugh, you might enjoy this true tale, well almost true tale:
"USE EXTREME CAUTION: THE DANGERS OF TOIVELNG KALIM IN THE MEDITERRANEAN
“A PASSOVER TALE OF
DANGER AND REDEMPTION”
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There is a commandment
to ritually clean certain unused objects (kalim in Hebrew) associated with
cooking or eating. This commandment stems from the Book of Numbers, chapter 31,
verses 21-23. The ritual process of immersing these objects is called “Toiveling”.
In preparation
for the festival of Passover, I had a Toiveling adventure that I would like to
pass on to you:
I am not a
brave man, but when the Chief asks me to do something even though I would be
putting myself at considerable risk, I dutifully comply.
The rock band
10-Cc said it all in their version of “The Things We do For Love”.
Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river
Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea,
You lay your bets and then you pay the price
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
So on the
Thursday before the Chag, in preparation for Passover and for Friday night’s
Seder I was assigned the task to make ready by Toiveling some brand-new dishes
and a never used insert for our portable electric oven.
The sea is
about 200 yards from our Nahariya apartment. I placed all of the items in a
large red plastic tub and dutifully trudged down to the water’s edge where I
sat the tub down on a rock outcrop and set out to begin my labors.
I took out a couple
of dishes and the tray and grate for the oven and set them upon the outcrop.
Then taking a dish in each hand I marched into the roiling surf. I said the
appropriate blessing, dipped each dish completely into sea and started back to
the shore.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a tsunami-like wave smacked into me, spinning me around, and I, tush over teacups went down while holding on to each dish for dear life. The wave, having a life of its own continued onwards to the outcrop where it swept up and away the tub and the oven inserts. Courageously fighting the undertow, I lifted myself up and out of the sand and out of my stupor, realized what was happening and shuffled toward the now afloat tub that was heading out in the direction of Lebanon some 6 miles to the north.
Somehow, in
Hashem’s mercy I reached the tub, tossed in the dishes, grasped its handles and
made for the shore. But alas, like “Darling Clementine”, the tray and grates
were lost and gone forever…dreadful sorry. The Chief was not all smiles, but
knowing what she was working with, accepted the losses and we went forward to
the best Seder ever. I hope that your Seders were equally as good.
I told this
story to family and friends from whom I have been offered and received much in
the way of constructive advice. Much of this sage counsel came from the wise
men who sit around the table with me at a Torah shiur absorbing Torah Wisdom
and taking a l’chaim or two as part of their absorption process.
I have culled
the best of their offerings and put together a list of Toiveling Do’s and Don’ts
when Toiveling in the sea:
1. Wear one of those yellow-colored life vests
that the flight attendants are
always talking about, the ones under your
seats, especially those with an
automatic homing device.
2. Always carry shark repellent.
3. Never toivel alone; always have a
trustworthy Toiveling buddy with a
reliable cell phone to call the air/sea search and
rescue people.
4. One gifted wit suggested that toivelers
should be licensed by an
appropriate authority and have to pass a Toiveling
exam where the rules of
the road are put to the test.
5. Another good soul suggested that the
National Insurance Agency make
available a Toiveler Insurance policy, similar to
a homeowner’s policy, but
with medical coverage.
6. Then there was one fellow, well-meaning I’m
sure, who partook only in
soft drinks from our Torah table, who opined: Never
never drink and toivel
at the same time, always toivel responsibly...
maybe that was always drink
responsibly, I don’t exactly remember.
The attendees at this study group are serious
about religious obligations,
doing the Mitzvot and following Halacha. They
entered into an earnest, but
heated discussion regarding the obligation not
to put one’s self into danger,
and balancing the equity regarding a husband’s
duty to keep peace in his
home, “shalom bayis”, it is called.
Putting shalom bayis aside, it was
overwhelmingly agreed that by not
Toiveling when requested by the Chief,
you were putting yourself in a far greater
situation of peril than if you did
what you were told in the first
place...something akin to “Mine is not to
reason why. Mine is to do or die”.
It was a sobering thought…Le Chaim.
